A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Ladies,reconnected with a old girlfriend from four years ago, three dates, second date, amazing sex, but she wouldn't let me stay the night,third date great time out dancing, went to her condo, brought Chinese, watched a good movie,one thirty,had to go home no sex, she say told me a lot that we are just friends, it's a lot of hugging,cuddling,kissing,saying a lot of nice things to each other,very romantic,on both our parts,it seems to me,she is trying to convince her self we are just friends, after we broke up, she got married to the first guy she was with,four years ago, she says ,I broke her heart,I think she broke up with me, so girls,is making me go home after sex a red flag,an after tonight no sex is that a red flag, we were only together for one month before,I just don't want to go through a broken heart agin, cause not seeing the red flags
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 March 2016):
 Honey pie thought cowboy, I think Owen Wilson.
You are someone who jumps from relationship to relationship without taking breaks. You attract the same. The kind of women who are scared of taking the leap then when they want you again, you already moved on to the next woman. I think that's your love story here. If you just slow down and concentrate for one woman then these things would not have happened. When you add sex to the mix it confuses things. It forges a connection that people may not be able to sustain. I know I hear a lot of people using the standard of the third date sex. It sounds like the women you've been with need more time to decide if they even want a relationship. When you don't take the time to build trust, then you would just let women use you for rebound sex.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 March 2016):
 I agree with Tisha.
SLOW down, cowboy.
Take a few to recall what REALLY broke you two up. Is it something you two can move past, can you resolve it, or is it this huge elephant in the room?
And sex on the second date doesn't entitle you to sex on the 3rd or 4th or for you to stay the night.
My guess is she jumped the gun on the sex (on the second date) and she is wheeling it back in a bit. She realized you two are moving WAY to fast.
Maybe keep the dated to public places for a while, make sure you BOTH want to DATE each other, not be "exes with benefits".
It's NOT a red flag that she is slowing it down a bit.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 March 2016):
 First of all, one red flag is that neither of you agree on the reason for the breakup: "four years ago, she says ,I broke her heart,I think she broke up with me" If you can't remember and she can't remember, how do you know you have moved past whatever reason broke you up in the first place?
Why did the relationship end four years ago? It's not that long ago.
Then there's a disconnect between this: " she say told me a lot that we are just friends," and "it's a lot of hugging,cuddling,kissing,saying a lot of nice things to each other,very romantic,on both our parts," You then go on to say that she's trying to convince herself that you are just friends.
I think she's saying she just wants to be friends and didn't want sex because she realizes you have more feelings for her than she does.
You do tend to have a problem with going too fast too soon.
But back to the base issue which lies at the heart of your relationship with this woman: why did you break up 4 years ago?
If you can't remember or are blocking it, you are suffering from your own version of convincing yourself of something that isn't true. I doubt she's convincing herself that you are just friends, I think more likely you are convincing yourself that she feels more for you than she actually does.
So yes, you are setting yourself up for a broken heart again. Because you can't remember the past, you are condemned to repeat it, as that famous saying goes.
Too much, too soon, too full on again.
Why did you break up 4 years ago?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (6 March 2016):
 Red flag? I don't see one.
Maybe she felt that having sex with you on the second date was moving too fast, or that you might think badly of her for sleeping with you so soon after you two reconnected.
Please remember that just because she had sex with you on a previous date doesn't entitle you to have sex with her on the third date or on any date where she doesn't want to have sex. And if you make a big deal of it she will likely worry that you are ONLY interested in her for the sex.
That tends to be a HUGE red flag to women.
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